PTSD: Why can’t I get it together?

Many people who have post traumatic stress disorder ask themselves, “ What’s wrong with me?” “Why can’t I get it together?” “Where did I go?”  “What’s happening to me?” This is perfectly normal and you are not alone. PTSD is a debilitating disorder that will take your mind for a whirlwind ride. Dissociation, a major factor in PTSD, can include confusion and fragmented thinking. It can include physical feelings of floating, of feeling like your head is larger than it is, or of feeling shorter or taller than you are. I know that this sounds very strange. Dissociation is very strange. When PTSD sufferers experience dissociation, they feel disconnected from others and sometimes from themselves. They withdraw from society and from others. They withdraw into themselves and can experience time lapses.

 I have PTSD, so I know what a frightening feeling it is when you tend to space out frequently and relive trauma, even though you don’t want to. It is frightening when you realize that you have little to no emotion about the things that you used to care very deeply about. It’s also frightening when you feel emotionally numb and no longer have that spark for life. These are all parts of dissociation.

Post traumatic stress disorder damages the limbic system, which is our emotional system. When humans experience trauma that is so great that they believe that they will not survive, it does damage to many parts of the brain. The nervous, or limbic system reacts as if it is in a state of shock and tends to shut down somewhat. This is why we dissociate and cannot feel emotions as we did before. Also, when the limbic system is overloaded by stress, it causes us to dissociate in order to conserve energy or to relax.

Dissociation is a sign of having too much stress. Since PTSD is a stress disorder, this is a revolving cycle. While there is no cure for PTSD, there are ways to manage stress and ultimately dissociation, but this takes time. If you experienced trauma recently, dissociation will occur frequently until your brain has had time to adjust to the shock of that event. When your memories are triggered, you may dissociate as a way of dealing with that uncovered memory. Even though this symptom can be overwhelming, it is the body’s natural way of protecting itself and psychologically dealing with tremendous strain. To become upset about dissociation is counterproductive. This will produce more stress and that will trigger panic and more dissociation. 

There are some psychological techniques and tricks that help with dissociation as well as relaxation techniques. Ultimately, you need time to adjust and you need time to physiologically heal from trauma. If you want to learn more about how to handle the symptoms of PTSD, I have written a book entitled PTSD: What to do about it when you don’t know what to do about it. This writing will give you specific steps that you can take in managing the disorder and it’s debilitating symptoms. It was written for those who suffer from this disorder, those who are in a relationship with someone who has this disorder, and those who need information and a solid plan of how to deal with the symptoms of PTSD.

You Do Not Have To Have Anxiety Just Because You Have PTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is commonly referred to as an anxiety disorder by those who do not understand the distinction. It is true that anxiety can be a symptom of PTSD, as can depression, but stress is the operative word. For example, when a soldier is shell-shocked during combat, his reaction is to stress and not to anxiety. Stress and anxiety are two diverse concepts that are often used interchangeably, but when you break these two down, they are quite different.

If you have PTSD, You do not have to live with anxiety if you adopt the proper perspective and apply some mental strategy. To stress something is to put pressure on it. You can stress your words by putting emphasis, or more weight, on them. A stress fracture is produced by increasing the intensity of any activity too swiftly. Common stressors include driving in traffic, dealing with the job, raising a teenager, and keeping a roof over our heads. These things put pressure, or stress, on us.

When you have PTSD, you have a very low tolerance to stress. In many ways, the concepts of good stress and bad stress merge and it all feels like the same degree of stress. That's why some PTSD'ers go through the roof for seemingly no reason. The slightest stressor can be that spark that ignites an outburst. This is part of why PTSD is a stress disorder.

Anxiety is the product of worry. The type of thinking that will give you anxiety is the kind in which you obsess about your stressors. If your thoughts run along the lines of, "What if this happens, what if that happens...." you're going to become anxious. Prolonged fixation or attention to a worry causes it to grow and multiply. The next thing you know, you have two worries, then five, and so on. When you allow your worry to take over, it will produce anxiety. Before long, you are so anxious about everything that you're hyperventilating, wring your hands, pacing, and the list goes on.

If you have PTSD, you do not have to live with anxiety. Since anxiety is a condition that we, as humans, bring upon ourselves, you can choose to live without this symptom. The process is fairly simple, but it takes dedication and focus. The best way to alleviate anxiety is to do some simple soul searching and some proactive mental work.

Identify your thoughts, remembering the difference between stress, or pressure, and worry. What are you fretting over? Are you thinking in terms of "what if" scenarios?

Write them down and evaluate them. As you read them, ask yourself, "How can I solve this?" Or "What can I do about this?" If the answer is that there is nothing that you can do about this worry, it is time to let it go. The size or seeming importance of the issue should not matter if there is truly nothing that you can do about it.

If you can not solve the issue at the time, focusing on that issue will serve you no purpose. When you notice that you are worrying, stop what you are thinking and focus on feeling good instead. This takes practice, but you can do it if you work at it.

No one worries themselves into PTSD but those who suffer from PTSD can worry themselves into an anxiety disorder, which really adds unnecessary, additional stress to the equation. If you're proactive about catching your thoughts when they go in the direction of worry, you will learn how to experience more relief and more positive feelings. This will help you to heal and to grow in a direction that is more mentally sable and healthy.

One useful thing to do with dissociation

I was thinking about dissociation, a common PTSD symptom, this afternoon and how it can be both a blessing and a curse. Those who have been through a traumatic event use dissociation as a means of dealing with reality. Dissociation can also “happen to us” when our stress level rises beyond what we can handle. It’s actually a biological response that is built into our brain that conserves energy and allows us to relax.

 The type of dissociation that most people experience is voluntary. This can be as simple as spacing out at your desk for a few minutes- taking a mental vacation to the islands or to your favorite place. Daydreaming is a form of dissociation. We daydream about sex or what we will do this weekend. We daydream about what we would like in the future. So, can we use dissociation in a positive way to heal and to better ourselves?

I think we can. Severe dissociation can protects us from feeling horrible feelings like fear, anger, hopelessness, pain, and the like. It’s a very powerful tactic that we use to numb ourselves. We often find ourselves dissociating on purpose in order to avoid something negative, so why not turn that into something positive?

When you have Post Traumatic Stress, it’s easy to feel negative feelings. We seldom feel positive feelings. I have worked very hard to gain control of unwanted bouts of dissociation and I did so by using grounding techniques and by deliberately “spacing out” on things that make me feel good, like goals that I’m working to accomplish or fun events that I’m looking forward to. It’s not easy and it takes a bit of practice, but once you get into the habit of directing that energy to something positive and productive, you’ll begin to feel a lot better instead of being so down all of the time.

Has Your PTSD Turned You Into An Energy Vampire?

Do you feel like people sometimes run away from you or avoid you? Do you notice that people talk to you for a few minutes and make a hasty excuse to get away? Have you ever found yourself along in a room at a party or noticed that people tend to slowly leave the room that you are in? Do people seem to avoid eye contact with you and keep physical contact to a minimum? Are you the loneliest person that you know? If so, you may be an energy vampire.

An energy vampire is someone who unconsciously siphons positive energy away from others. An energy vamp will leave you feeling more negative than you were before the interaction. We all know someone who makes our stomach do a little dreadful flip when we see them walking our way. These people make us feel tired and drained. Being in the presence of an energy vamp gives you an overwhelming sense that you need to get away.

Having PTSD can turn you into that kind of a person if you are not aware of how your negativity affects others. Since PTSD is a very serious disorder, that includes depression and anxiety, the symptoms can be overwhelming. People who suffer from PTSD really do need help and a strong support system. The problem occurs when you constantly give off negative and needy vibes that affect how the people around you perceive and react to you.

There are several factors that contribute to being the type of person that suctions energy from others. One of them is a lack of having a strong personality. Since PTSD absolutely affects your sense of self, your self esteem, and your personality, it is very important to evaluate your own individuality. Do some soul searching and ask yourself what your personal likes and dislikes are. What is your personal moral code? When your friends are talking or when you are watching a news story, ask yourself what YOU think about the topic. Don't adopt the commentary of others as your own thoughts. Be proactive and formulate your own opinions and judgment. Strengthen your own personality as opposed to mirroring others. If you find that you act one way in the presence of one person and a different way around others, you need to evaluate that and decipher who YOU are.

It is very common for someone who has PTSD to struggle with this concept because at times, we really don't know who we are anymore. There is so much mental chaos going on that we lose ourselves. This is why so many people who have PTSD are diagnosed with personality disorders and put on all types of medication concoctions that compound the problem. Healing from PTSD means that we figure out who we are now. Who we were before is gone and we are definitely not the same person, but we still have our own personalities that have to be rediscovered and reinvented. This is the first and most difficult step if you want to stop suctioning other's energy.

Another way to begin to stop suctioning the energy of others is to recognize and respect personal boundaries. Just as you respect physical boundaries, there should always be a barrier between your energy and the energy of someone else. This means that when you begin to feel negative or needy in the presence of another, you stop and redirect yourself to a more positive frame of mind. PTSD is a very selfish disease in that we rarely take the time to focus on others much less how we are affecting them. Refocus yourself on anything that you can think of other than yourself, your needs, and your negative feelings. Change the conversation to a lighthearted topic or simply ask a question about the person that you are speaking with. Make it a goal to catch your negative energy before it leaks out to others and project a more confident and positive energy.

An easy way to cut your energy vamp tendencies off at the pass is to focus on staying in the present during every interaction. This can feel like "fake it till you make it" for awhile, but you will quickly notice a shift in the way that others interact with you, if you practice this. It can be very difficult to stay in the present when you have PTSD, but you can do it with practice. When we mentally drift away, it looks to others like we are not listening or don't care about what they are saying. This causes a lull in the conversation that is uncomfortable and makes the other person feel as though they must keep up the conversation alone or remove themselves. Most people will excuse themselves at this point, leaving you to yourself.

Finally, the absolute easiest way to put an end to zapping the mental and emotional strength out of those around you is to focus on giving your positive energy to others. There is a time to give and there is a time to take. When you are interacting socially with others, it is a time to give. Show interest in others by asking questions about themselves. Comment positively on the things that they are talking about. Be mindful of how much you use the words "I" and "me" and transform that into more "you" and "your". People love to talk about themselves and the things that they are interested in. When you begin to practice this, you may be able to keep this up for just a few minutes. The more you do it, the more natural it will become.

If you find that people have a tendency to excuse themselves in your presence, you may be projecting an aura that feels like you are stealing their positive energy and draining them. Having PTSD does not mean that you become a buzz kill to everyone around you. It does not mean that you have to feel like a social leper. PTSD is difficult to overcome, but you can change your energy in the presence of others with some realization, focus, and practice.

WELCOME

Welcome to PTSD Lifeline.

This blog is about a journey that we all have to take in order to recover from the most traumatic events of our lives. It is a blog about healing from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. What it takes to face ourselves and how to choose a path that makes sense to us. How to regain our joy for life. It is about my experience and your experience and how we can guide one another through this maze.  Please feel free to visit and comment as often as you like. I hope you will find that you are not alone. There are thousands of us that feel that way, but that is not the truth. We all have a unique experience that gives us a unique perspective.  So, feel free to share yours. I'll go first....