How To Help Someone Through A PTSD Trigger

People who have Posttraumatic Stress Disorder have triggers that can lead to panic attacks and to negative symptoms arising. A trigger is a very real occurrence that can throw someone out of balance and cause more anxiety and stress. If you are with someone who has PTSD and they are triggered, how can you help them to process the experience and lessen the symptoms that are sure to follow?

A trigger is a personal reaction to some kind of stimuli that reminds them of their trauma. A trigger can be a sight, a smell, a sound, or even a thought. Because people who suffer from PTSD have an abundance of fragmented memories, a trigger ultimately is a reminder of an element of trauma that may have been forgotten. It can be a reminder of any aspect of the trauma, so it is almost impossible to predict when and where they will happen. For example, an assault victim might have triggers that relate to the size, shape, race, or other physical traits of the assailants. These are common triggers. Then there are triggers that are specific to that person’s experience, such as a certain song that may have been playing in the background, or a certain smell of soap or cologne. Triggers, whether they are common or personal, lead to panic and to other symptoms like flash backs, dissociation, or rage and a wide range of emotions.

If you are with someone who has a trigger, there are some things that you can do to greatly reduce their stress. One of the most effective things that you can do is to remove them from wherever they are. If you are inside, go outside. If you are driving, pull over and go to a restaurant, a park, or go sit outside with a frappuccino.  Changing your location helps to put them in a different frame of mind by engaging them in something else. This is very grounding.

Ask them if they want to talk about it. They may or may not want to do into too much detail and might be very emotional. They might be shocked and need some time to process the trigger, so may not want to talk about what they have just experienced. Either way, let them know that you are there and that they are safe. The event is over, even if it feels to them like it just happened.

Be flexible. A trigger can bring up very negative symptoms and the person that you are with might need to be alone for a while. Don’t insist that they do things that they aren’t capable of at that time. If you are shopping together, it’s probably time to go get lunch or go home. If you’re at home, it might be time to go for a walk or make a short trip to the corner store for something.

Finally, if plans have to be altered quickly, be prepared for the guilt. It makes us feel incredibly guilty when something like this happens and you may find the person that you are with apologizing all over you in short order. The worst thing that you can do is to say things like, “… and I was looking forward to this, too.” That’s just cruel. Instead, find the flexibility and the grace to accept that these things happen. Be supportive and above all, be genuine.

Dealing with a boyfriend or a girlfriend who has PTSD can be challenging and confusing at times. You have to use a lot of critical thinking, common sense, and flexibility. At times, it is hard to know what will be the most helpful and what will set the person off. Ultimately, education is the key to dealing with PTSD. You have to get into his or her mindset, in order to relate and communicate effectively. Once you know what to expect, it is not too difficult to personalize a solid plan that is specific to your relationship and to the person that you love. For more information, check out my book PTSD: What To Do About It When You Don’t Know What To Do About It. There is an entire chapter dedicated to Triggers and how to handle them. 

PTSD and Combat PTSD. Is There A Difference?

Post traumatic stress disorder affects everyone differently. The disorder has common symptoms that include intrusive thoughts, nightmares, dissociation, hyper vigilance, hyper arousal, flashbacks, and hallucinations. This is a stress disorder, so those who experience PTSD also experience an abundance of anxiety, depression, and stress. PTSD is PTSD whether it is acquired though child abuse, experiencing a disaster, or through combat.

That being said, combat vets go through psychological training in order to effectively deal with being in a war zone. They are trained to be hyper aroused and to be hyper vigilant. In a combat zone, if they expect to stay alive, these mental states have to be in place 24 hours a day. Survival depends upon a soldier using hyper vigilance in order to decipher danger and respond instantaneously.

When you combine a hyper aroused state of mind with a traumatic experience, such as a skirmish in which people die or are disfigured, this experience becomes ingrained in the psyche, causing PTSD. When a soldier is on high alert, experiences that surge of adrenaline, and is in a situation in which their lives are on the line, that is a clear set up to acquire PTSD.

So, is there a difference between what some consider to be “ Regular” PTSD and “Combat” PTSD? The answer is yes. And no. Combat PTSD differs in that a vet is trained to have the response that those who have acquired PTSD through other means obtain through their experience. An assault victim becomes hyper vigilant due to the assault. A child abuse victim gradually adapts a state of hyper arousal due to prolonged encounter. A soldier hits the battlefield with that pre programmed hyper vigilant state of mind.

Ultimately, PTSD has common symptoms and typical human reactions regardless of how it was acquired. PTSD is PTSD and there is no cure for this disorder. The degree to which any human reacts is specific to their experience. Some may have a higher degree of hyper arousal and some may have a higher degree of another symptom such as dissociation.

I have PTSD and have not been in a combat zone. Not many civilians who have PTSD have experienced terror on the prolonged basis that I have. Therefore, my startle response was on the same level as a soldier’s response at one time. The intensity and feelings are the same. The way in which PTSD was acquired was different. Ultimately, it’s all the same.

How PTSD Can Change Your Personality And Perspective

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can take over every aspect of your life. In addition to the damage that it does to your relationships and at times, your career, PTSD can rob you of your happiness, sense of humor, and creativity. It can steal your zest for life.

Many people who suffer this disorder report that they no longer recognize themselves. They see their reflection in the mirror and of course, they recognize their reflection, but who they are and what they see are two different images.  Some people lose their ability to laugh and make jokes. It is as if their sense of humor has completely died and they are rarely able to deliver a single humorous line. Other people lose the ability to concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes. Complex problem solving and complex tasks can be more difficult for someone who has PTSD. Some are so severely affected by fear and disorientation that a simple trip to the grocery store is too much for them to handle, especially alone. They start to hyperventilate and then go into panic mode in the cereal aisle. Some can become so overwhelmed that they have to leave the store.

Some people become angry and that anger is with them 24 hours a day. They feel full of rage and out of control at times- not knowing what will set them off next, but knowing that they can’t always control their reactions. Some people cry and cry until they pass out or exhaust themselves into staring at the wall. Either way, some cry until they are emotionally drained on a daily basis. These are all extreme reactions to the symptoms of this disorder, but they are also very common reactions. Most people who have PTSD have experienced most or all of these symptoms on some level.

PTSD will change every aspect of your personality. Suffering from posttraumatic stress doesn’t mean that something scary happened and now the person merely feels jittery and unsure. Biologically, the brain is working very hard to process experiences that it can barely comprehend; let alone categorize. Because of the severity of that event, the brain is physiologically altered. Some areas of the brain that are responsible for memory and emotion become severely damaged. Complex neurological pathways are distorted. The body either repairs them or forms new pathways and this can lead to changes in temperament, personality traits, preferences, and perspectives. 

 This is why nearly everyone who has PTSD and their friends and families say that they are no longer the same person. They are correct. They don’t feel the same. They don’t think the same. They are not the same person and may never be that person again. They have to rediscover who they are, which can be a long process.

Healing from PTSD does not mean that you return to your former mental self unchanged and unscathed. A big part of healing means that you discover and develop new traits, talents, interests, and perspectives. This can be very tough to accept without having gone through a proper grieving process first. Once you accept that your personality and the way that you relate to the world are now coming from a different perspective, your brain will initiate the rest of the healing process.

If you take a positive view of this concept, you may find that you enjoy getting to know yourself again. It is a progression that takes time, observation, and patience. Think of it as a mental journey to rediscover who you are and how you roll. Along the way, you could find that your sense of humor has merely been hiding and your creativity and zest for life are not all that far away.