Reliving Trauma

Sometimes it seems like we are forever replaying the most traumatic events in our minds. Hardly a day goes by that someone who has PTSD doesn’t think back to the events that permanently transformed their lives forever. At times, it seems as though the trauma happened yesterday because our images are so vivid. Other times, it is as if we are looking a scene in a movie- something terrible that happened to someone else and we are merely voyeurs to this terrible scene. It’s easier to dissociate and detach from the hell that we have been through than it is to face it directly. Like it or not, we relive those moments without much warning.

The memory of these events is always with us and will always haunt us, even if we live to be 100 years of age. Ask any vet who served in Vietnam and they will tell you that time is the only healer for a fragmented memory and a horrific traumatic event. These vets will also tell you that while it never goes away, it does get better. Time and distance are the only things that allow our fragmented memories and emotions to heal. Time and distance and how we process the trauma.

The brain is such a phenomenal mechanism. It is always attempting to shift our memories into long term storage- always attempting to categorize the horror and make sense of it all. It is normal to relive trauma when you have PTSD. Reliving trauma is actually a part of the healing process, although it is painful. It is painful to spontaneously remember forgotten details that can be triggered through sounds, smells, or other means. We experience shock when we recall an aspect of trauma that we had completely blocked out.

We can not prevent this phenomenon from happening, because we have no control over what our memory can do. So, what can we do when we are transported back to a place in which we were helpless, alone, and afraid for our lives? What can we do when we feel he same horror and fear as we did in the most terrifying moment of our lives?

We can act, or we can react. To act, or to be proactive in our healing, means that we go with the memory and allow it to unfold as it will. It means that we take a deep breath, or several deep breaths, and confront the demon that is responsible for all of this mental hell. This can be shocking and scary. To react means that we allow our fear to consume us and we begin to panic or to dissociate from reality. To react means that we allow our adrenaline to take over and we go into fight mode. To act, or to take a proactive stance means that we take control. We take a minute, calm ourselves down, and go through the memory with our mental battle gear on. To react means that we relinquish control to fear and anxiety. We allow the trauma to once again take over and fight against it.

 Ultimately, whichever we choose is up to us. We can choose our plan of action. We can decide that when these events happen, we will take back our control by not allowing the symptoms of PTSD to overwhelm us. It is not as easy to be proactive as it is to react to certain triggers, but it is the way to healing.

PTSD And Planning For The Future

Failure to recognize or plan for the future is a very common Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptom. Why do people who have this disorder have such a hard time acknowledging events that may take place in the future and plan accordingly? Making and carrying out future plans does seem like a logical way to conduct your affairs, but this is a very big problem among those with PTSD.

The answer lies in what PTSD truly is. People acquire this disorder because they have been terrified and rendered helpless in a moment in which they believed that they would die. They have seen death very close to them. This is the diagnostic criteria and defining factor with this disorder. An event in which anyone sees the end of their life coming to an end, an event in which they do not believe that they will survive, robs them of their sense of trust and safety. It takes a certain amount of faith to believe that there will be a tomorrow. A sense of trust and safety are required in order to believe that future plans will actually come to pass. People who suffer from PTSD have lost these concepts and have a markedly foreshortened sense of the future.

Some people who suffer from posttraumatic stress can manage to plan a day or a week in advance, but every one who has this disorder has a threshold of what they can comfortably look forward to. Some people can’t even foresee tomorrow or the next day and this is why we live our lives solely in the present.

If you are in a relationship with someone who has PTSD, you know how frustrating it is to make plans for a week or two in advance and then watch them fall through. Anxiety has much to do with this phenomenon. Depression can contribute to the inability to follow through with pre planned occasions. 

You have likely noticed that we don’t become excited about events until about 5 minutes before they actually occur. Many people who have PTSD do all of their Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve because in our minds, the event has to be hours away in order for us to trust that they will occur. This makes no logical sense to someone who does not have this disorder, but it is extremely normal to someone who has PTSD.

Being in a relationship with someone who has PTSD can be challenging and confusing at times. Sometimes you have to use a lot of critical thinking, common sense, and flexibility. At times, it is hard to know what will be the most helpful and what will make a symptom worse for them. Ultimately, education is the key to dealing with PTSD. Once you know what PTSD really is and what to expect, it is not too difficult to personalize a solid plan that is specific to the person that you love. Belief in a foreshortened future can be overcome, as can many common post traumatic stress symptoms.