Reliving Trauma

Sometimes it seems like we are forever replaying the most traumatic events in our minds. Hardly a day goes by that someone who has PTSD doesn’t think back to the events that permanently transformed their lives forever. At times, it seems as though the trauma happened yesterday because our images are so vivid. Other times, it is as if we are looking a scene in a movie- something terrible that happened to someone else and we are merely voyeurs to this terrible scene. It’s easier to dissociate and detach from the hell that we have been through than it is to face it directly. Like it or not, we relive those moments without much warning.

The memory of these events is always with us and will always haunt us, even if we live to be 100 years of age. Ask any vet who served in Vietnam and they will tell you that time is the only healer for a fragmented memory and a horrific traumatic event. These vets will also tell you that while it never goes away, it does get better. Time and distance are the only things that allow our fragmented memories and emotions to heal. Time and distance and how we process the trauma.

The brain is such a phenomenal mechanism. It is always attempting to shift our memories into long term storage- always attempting to categorize the horror and make sense of it all. It is normal to relive trauma when you have PTSD. Reliving trauma is actually a part of the healing process, although it is painful. It is painful to spontaneously remember forgotten details that can be triggered through sounds, smells, or other means. We experience shock when we recall an aspect of trauma that we had completely blocked out.

We can not prevent this phenomenon from happening, because we have no control over what our memory can do. So, what can we do when we are transported back to a place in which we were helpless, alone, and afraid for our lives? What can we do when we feel he same horror and fear as we did in the most terrifying moment of our lives?

We can act, or we can react. To act, or to be proactive in our healing, means that we go with the memory and allow it to unfold as it will. It means that we take a deep breath, or several deep breaths, and confront the demon that is responsible for all of this mental hell. This can be shocking and scary. To react means that we allow our fear to consume us and we begin to panic or to dissociate from reality. To react means that we allow our adrenaline to take over and we go into fight mode. To act, or to take a proactive stance means that we take control. We take a minute, calm ourselves down, and go through the memory with our mental battle gear on. To react means that we relinquish control to fear and anxiety. We allow the trauma to once again take over and fight against it.

 Ultimately, whichever we choose is up to us. We can choose our plan of action. We can decide that when these events happen, we will take back our control by not allowing the symptoms of PTSD to overwhelm us. It is not as easy to be proactive as it is to react to certain triggers, but it is the way to healing.