People who have Posttraumatic Stress Disorder have triggers that can lead to panic attacks and to negative symptoms arising. A trigger is a very real occurrence that can throw someone out of balance and cause more anxiety and stress. If you are with someone who has PTSD and they are triggered, how can you help them to process the experience and lessen the symptoms that are sure to follow?
A trigger is a personal reaction to some kind of stimuli that reminds them of their trauma. A trigger can be a sight, a smell, a sound, or even a thought. Because people who suffer from PTSD have an abundance of fragmented memories, a trigger ultimately is a reminder of an element of trauma that may have been forgotten. It can be a reminder of any aspect of the trauma, so it is almost impossible to predict when and where they will happen. For example, an assault victim might have triggers that relate to the size, shape, race, or other physical traits of the assailants. These are common triggers. Then there are triggers that are specific to that person’s experience, such as a certain song that may have been playing in the background, or a certain smell of soap or cologne. Triggers, whether they are common or personal, lead to panic and to other symptoms like flash backs, dissociation, or rage and a wide range of emotions.
If you are with someone who has a trigger, there are some things that you can do to greatly reduce their stress. One of the most effective things that you can do is to remove them from wherever they are. If you are inside, go outside. If you are driving, pull over and go to a restaurant, a park, or go sit outside with a frappuccino. Changing your location helps to put them in a different frame of mind by engaging them in something else. This is very grounding.
Ask them if they want to talk about it. They may or may not want to do into too much detail and might be very emotional. They might be shocked and need some time to process the trigger, so may not want to talk about what they have just experienced. Either way, let them know that you are there and that they are safe. The event is over, even if it feels to them like it just happened.
Be flexible. A trigger can bring up very negative symptoms and the person that you are with might need to be alone for a while. Don’t insist that they do things that they aren’t capable of at that time. If you are shopping together, it’s probably time to go get lunch or go home. If you’re at home, it might be time to go for a walk or make a short trip to the corner store for something.
Finally, if plans have to be altered quickly, be prepared for the guilt. It makes us feel incredibly guilty when something like this happens and you may find the person that you are with apologizing all over you in short order. The worst thing that you can do is to say things like, “… and I was looking forward to this, too.” That’s just cruel. Instead, find the flexibility and the grace to accept that these things happen. Be supportive and above all, be genuine.
Dealing with a boyfriend or a girlfriend who has PTSD can be challenging and confusing at times. You have to use a lot of critical thinking, common sense, and flexibility. At times, it is hard to know what will be the most helpful and what will set the person off. Ultimately, education is the key to dealing with PTSD. You have to get into his or her mindset, in order to relate and communicate effectively. Once you know what to expect, it is not too difficult to personalize a solid plan that is specific to your relationship and to the person that you love. For more information, check out my book PTSD: What To Do About It When You Don’t Know What To Do About It. There is an entire chapter dedicated to Triggers and how to handle them.
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